Tony Parker is a CHEATER!

Dear: Tony Parker,

Thanks for making the biggest mistake of your life.

Love, Every man on Earth

I’m not sure if you’ve been in a coma for the past few days, but incase you have, you wouldn’t have heard this: Eva Longoria is single again.

That’s right, after 7 years together, she and Tony Parker are no more.
But what could have caused them to split? Does she have an uncotrobable substance abuse problem that poor Tony could no longer live with nor afford? Nope. Did a car drive over her beautiful face, leaving her mamed and mute for the rest of her life? Nope again.

Ok enough of this, I’ll just tell you. But I warn you, you may find it very hard to believe…. Tony. Parker. Cheated.

This man:


The Cheater




found a someone who was worth losing this woman over:


The joke is on him.

Let’s just get this straight. Somewhere out there, there is a woman roaming this green earth, who is better than Eva Longoria?! A woman so incredibly beautiful and lust worthy, that one night with her, was worth giving up all of eternity with Eva???


This, to me is the biggest news of all! How have we not heard of her before?! Is she an angel?? Does she come with batteries?? Who is she?!

This week 5fm dj’s were discussing this break-up in great detail. Apparently, Parker had just signed a major, very lucrative new contract when Longoria sued for divorce. Did she know about his cheating ways all along, and just wait until after  he had singed to file the papers? Thus ensuring her a much larger 50% of all his earnings?

I sure as hell hope so.

The debate was going something like this: Female dj “Doesn’t she have any pride?! I’m not going to take money from a man, just because he doesn’t want me! She should have some self respect. She doesn’t even need his money! She makes millions on her own.” Honey, go home and burn some bra’s.

Marriage is more than just a promise to each other in front of all your friends and family. It is a legal, and binding contract. When getting married, you sign a contract stating that you promise to be faithful to this marriage and that if you aren’t, you are willing to part with 50% of what you own.

It works like any other contract. You sign, knowing that if at some stage, you get sick of what you’ve signed for, or find something better, you are allowed to leave. But you’re going to have to pay a fine.

When you cancel your contract with Vodacom because they are the shittest service provider in the history of communication, and they fine you and make you pay the remaining months of your 24 month contract, does anyone say to them “Don’t you have any pride?! You can’t take people’s money, just because they don’t want you. You should have some self respect! You don’t even need that money! You make millions ripping people off with your astronomically high call and internet rates.”.

You singed a legal contract! You knew what the terms & conditions were before you signed.

Apart from that fact (you know, the legal&binding contract fact), is the “pride factor”. Money is used in so many instanced as a tool to teach people a lesson. Like traffic fines. Park illegally, or break the speed limit, and you will have to part with money. In most instances, this will make you think twice before parking your white Toyota Hilux length-ways across 3 parking bays.

Nothing can make Eva Longoria feel better. Her husband cheated on her. He got as intimate as two humans can possibly get with one another, with someone who wasn’t her.

No amount of money can change that. And while she probably wishes she could kick Tony Parker square in the nuts, the sad truth is, she can’t. But she sure as hell can kick him square in the wallet.

I know I would.


WIN! You need to be at Sonic Summer.

I absolutely love a good festival! LOVE! Look:

Natalie’s Gallery of Festival Awesomeness (2010 only)

See?! I’m in my element at festivals, which is why I’m so very excited that the year is not yet over Festival-wise.
I know right…as if the prospect of Christmas and all its goodness isn’t enough to look forward to, you still have TWO whole festivals to get involved in too!
Over the weekend of 26-28 November we’ll be getting all up in the bizznet of Synergy Live.

I was overjoyed to see that the line-up is actually pretty damn incredible and has enough substance to keep me firmly squished between thousands of strangers right IN the middle of all the crowdy-goodness.

Headliners: Feeder along with Dirty Skirts, Foto na Dans, my local favourites Taxi Violence, Van Coke Kartel and Jax Panik…and that’s just the FRIDAY? Somebody get me a drink.

Ok, I’m going to be honest here… I’m not exactly a huge fan of “electro dome” set-ups. Maybe I don’t take nearly enough drugs…or maybe I’m just a die-hard rock girl, but I do just prefer a real live band with drums and guitars and live humans. But, @bangersandnash has promised some epic face melting at Synergy’s electro dome, so I may have to venture inside.

I’ll have just enough time to recover from Synergy before my life gets taken over by Sonic Summer.

Durbanites everywhere (especially Durban) can rejoice in the knowledge that they are finally getting their very own festival on their very own shores when Locnville, Goldfish, Jax Panik and, possibly THE biggest news-makers of the year, Die Antwoord grace them with their presence on the 11th of December.

They’ll all be on stage again in Joburg on the 15th, and Capetonians get their fair share on the 18th.

Now I’ve seen Die Antwoord on stage twice (once at a secret show in Greenside, and once at an amazing party hosted by MK&Puma at The Woods) and regardless of what your views on them/their music/their zeffness is, they are one act who do really get it right on stage. You can’t help getting caught up in all the energy and all the zeffness around you. You need to experience it.

Speaking of which… Good news: MK has given me TWO double tickets for Sonic Summer to give TO YOU! Yay! Better news: The tickets are for which ever city the winners live in! Double yay!

To win, all you have to do is:

“like” MK & MK Jip on Facebook and post a status about them.

Then copy&paste it in the comments section below.

Easy yes? And considering that tickets cost R180 a pop, it the least you can do, really.

Thank me later.

Let’s break the rules #rebeltuesday

You know something is wrong when my lovely friend @shaan_ashleigh tweets about rebelling.
It must have been a protein low (#vegetarianproblems). This is the only way I can explain her out of character tweets. Because, as I mentioned, she is lovely. So lovely… She’s like the sun. She’s like the sun shining directly on you, on a rainy day, that just happen to be your wedding day. And then there’s also a rainbow over you head! A rainbow with glitter on it! … That’s how lovely.

Which is exactly why I was shocked by her hashtag “#rebeltuesday”.
Turns out she just wanted to press every single button in a lift, I think it was. “So tempted to press every one of these #rebeltuesday” Small act. Big rebellion. This inspired me!
First I was inspried…then I was embarrassed. I’d been behaving flipping well all day, so well in fact, that I was borderline boring…and all the while it had been #REBELTUESDAY?? The shame!! Then I was inspired again.
I’m spending the next few days in preparation. Preparation and planning. And meditation. I’m outlining my various future acts of rebellion.
There is so much I’ve already done though, that I’m left with few rebellious options. After my rebel phase (ahhh…those were the days), I am left with tattoo emblazoned ribs, a pierced lip, pictures of myself with black/pink/purple/blue hair and some frickin good memories.
What to do?? Punch the elderly? Curse in front of a nun? Where would I even find a nun?? It’s just too much pressure!
So I’ve decided to take it a little easier on the #rebeltuesday ‘s ahead. Being a rebel is hard! It takes a lot of work and anger. I’m not really as angry as I used to be. Massive acts of rebellion and defiance are so 2005.

I’m going more for the 2010 spring/summer collection of “Subtle Rebellion”.
Natalie’s List of Subtle Rebellion for spring/summer 2010 #rebeltuesday

1. Driving around with no pants on.

“Didn’t your mom ever tell you to wear clean socks in case of an accident??” Yes, she did. I’m sure the same goes for pants. But that’s why they call it #rebeltuesday
2. Tequila Tuesday.

YEA! Who better to model your rebellion on than the Mexicans?? They take cactuses??/cactuse??/cacti?? and drink what’s inside them for pete’s sake! Cactusseseses/cactuu??/cacti?? have thousands of thorns for a reason people! To make sure you keep your hands off them! The Mexicans have no fear! The Mexican saw those thorns and said- “Thcrew iiieeeth! I’m drinking iiieeeth! LOCO!!” Possibly even have your first shot before midday. #rebeltuesday

3. Screen your phonecalls!

Eeeek! So naughty!! You know you want to. That annoying person always calling, wanting to talk about completely irrelevant subjects such as varsity and boys who have highlights? Screen! Preferably, you should make sure the caller knows you are at your phone, so you should Tweet or update your Facebook straight after their phone call. #rebeltuesday

4. Eat something past it’s sell-by date.

Not chicken though. Or dairy. Also not fish. Possibly stay away from sell-by curry too. Maybe stick to like, sell-by chips. And frozen foods. #rebeltuesday

5. Listen to your iPod really loudly in the office/on the bus/in a lecture.

And make sure you’re playing something along the lines of Rise Against or Haste The Day. Loud, with lots of guitars and screams. Then, when asked to turn it down, hold up your one hand in a “can’t talk now”-fashion as you bring your other hand to your ear, saying loudly “copy that”. Then, jump up, rip off your shirt thus exposing your superman/wonderwoman shirt and run out screaming “Not on my watch, Dr Kimosabi!” in a heroic voice. #rebeltuesday

6. Say no.

Say no to ridiculous requests. In fact say no to all requests! The ones that are going to mean that tonight you’ll have to work an extra two hours at home to get it done. Or those people who invite you to a dinner party at the other end of the galaxy, when all you want to do is crawl into bed with a packet of raw 2 minute noodles and half a tub of peanut butter. Even the ones to borrow your pen. Look the person square in the eyeball and say “No way!” as if they just asked if they could marry a Russian Mail Order Bride using your ID.  #rebeltuesday

7. Shout “NO!!!! YOU say a command!!!!”

at the top of your voice every time the lady in  your BlackBerry says “say a command”. No matter where you are. #rebeltuesday

8. Say “ayoba” in stead of “yes”.

And “hello”. Answer your phone like this: “Ayoba, Natalie speaking. Ayoba, that’s perfect, see you tonight then. 8pm? Ayoba.” #rebeltuesday

Those should keep me nice and busy next week. Not to mention that both @stormin_ and @melkie128_ will be celebrating their birthdays! We’ll have to get a little Mexican in honour of them.

Remember, its never too late, or too early, to commit an act of rebellion. Join in and tweet all the satisfying acts you commit next #rebeltuesday and let’s do what we can for the cause.

Natalie’s kind of Adventure

I like to think of myself as adventurous. In fact, I would go so far as to call myself “an Adventurer”. Some people may confuse “adventurous” with “outdoorsy”, but let me tell you…they are waaayyy off, mister.

Adventuring does not mean you enjoy weighing yourself down with a backpack the size of a small Indonesian Island, and heading into the bush following a clearly marked trail with two African guides who do everything but hold your hand for you.

Adventuring does not mean you like to wear the most unflattering golf shirts known to man, tucked into the most unflattering shorts known to man, along with chunky woolen socks (also, unflattering) and a ridiculous cowboy hat- all in a matching tone of “ugly”.

*I would insert a picture of this offending “Adventure Wear” here, but it’s just too hideous”

Well, maybe that’s what adventure means to you, but this is my blog. Here we talk about what I like, and I have a whole different take on “Adventuring”. (Also, let’s you and I not be friends. Ok?)

For me, being an Adventurer basically means being ready, and willing to step out of whatever your comfort zone is.It means you’re up for anything. You want to go places and see things and do stuff and meet people. You don’t mind sleeping on the floor or getting rained on or driving for hours just for the sake of seeing what it’s all about.

Adventure has no Uniform of Hideousness. It is not planned 6 months in advance, somewhere in the Vrystaat over the Easter Weekend. Adventure just happens to you! It hits you right in the face, and you just grab it by the throat and don’t let go until your arms fall off.You’ll just be minding your own business, and when you catch your breath it’s 6 hours later and you’re about to have breakfast at the Durban Wimpy.

Adventure means saying “yes” when offered the opportunity to go to Germany for a couple of months and live with a family you’ve never met before. It means arriving in a foreign country, before you’ve booked your accommodation. It means meeting people and finding places and not sleeping much. Adventure is everywhere!!

One of the greatest adventures of my life started in July this year. I’d been having a tough few months, and couldn’t face a birthday in Joburg. So, I went online, held my breath and sent a message to the person who seemed to know the most about partying. I asked/ordered him to host me a birthday party at his favourite spot, with all his friends, in his city. So, just to recap: That’s a party in a city where neither I nor my friends live, hosted by… a complete stranger.

1 A King album launch, one birthday party at Mercury Live, one long night in Stellenbosch, about 27 bottles of tequila and many pictures later, I had had the BEST birthday of my life, made about 40 new friends, and become completely inseparable from @bangersandnash.

Yesterday I swam in some kind of Pond Of Terror and today I’m going to ride my bicycle without GPS. That’s who I am now. These adventures may seem small, but they sure as hell beat months of boredom and office walls in waiting for your 4 day walk of death through some kind terrain that match the ideas I have in my head of Hell.

There are still some major adventures I want to have. Let me tell you about them.

Natalie’s Upcoming Adventures:

Road Trip to Namibia. Not sure what I want to do or see there. But I like road trips and I think I’ll probably like it there. Or maybe I won’t…whatever. I’m still going.

Backpacking through some neighbouring African countries. There are some rad backpackers out there, and I intend to see them before I die. Backpackers are the perfect place to get involved in some future adventures. There are always people there who have already planned the entire thing and are mad keen on hanging out with strangers. They are usually flipping interesting and will probably invite me to join them cause I can cook. So I’m not planning anything cause I want to just be able to go where this adventure takes me.

2 Weeks in the Transkei. The Transkei is scientifically proven (don’t Google that) to have magical powers. It is inhabited mainly by hippies, fairies and phoenixes. (Do. Not. Attempt. To. Google. These. Facts) All you can do there is swim in the sea and chill the frick out. It’s beautiful and its hot and I want to be there. I haven’t made any plans around this yet, cause I do believe in it’s mysticalness. I’m just waiting around cause I know that one day I’ll probably just like, sneeze and be there, you know? It’s magical like that.

So, those are a few of them. Obviously, there is no way I’m doing any of them without @bangersandnash. As I just told you, he knows where the party is at. And he’s my partner in crime. If I ever needed to steal food, or like, illegally squat in a hotel or something…you know he’s going to be there.

Now get out there and adventure! And take off those most ridiculous hiking boots! You look like someone who has too many dogs in their yard.

Wanted: Cape Town Wingwoman

As you may know by now, I recently moved to Cape Town. So far it has been a whirlwind of good times and I must say, I absolutely love it here. It would take a hell of a lot to get me back to Joburg for good.

Having said this, I must highlight one of the things I miss most about Joburg: Girlfriends.
@coreenbunnyp, @mia_farris, @lizetheunicorn, @shaan_ashleigh, @elzasmit, @retini, @Lllleanie, @elmasmit, @liela23… you girls made Joburg the place that will always be home…even if I do like to pretend it won’t.

Obviously, because my Boyfriend is possibly THE raddest guy anyone has ever met , he comes with a remarkably enjoyable Gaggle (this is the scientific term for: a collective of) Wingmen. They are a fantastic bunch and have welcomed me into their Man Caves with open (albeit hairy) arms.

The thing is though, that I can only handle so much rugby, perving on potential females for them to briefly court and Tekken. Eventually, I just want to talk about which lipgloss offers the most shine with the least goo, and which of the Kardashian sisters is the least likely to be a good mother.

Unfortunately, it seems most of the Mancave Gaggle have become a little too comfortable in said Man Cave, and there is a very definite lack of estrogen in our little group. The 2 beauties that were once around have fled the country! (Brenda & Bancs…please, come back!)

So, my challenge now, is to find my own group of girlfriends right here in the Mother City. But I thought I’d take it even further… since I’m starting from scratch this side anyway, I might as well find myself a Dedicated Wingwoman.

The girl I can always depend on. The girl who has always got my back. Who thinks I’m the flipping raddest chick ever and I can think the same of her. The girl who, when you are having a bad day, or a fight with The Boyfriend (not that that would ever happen as he is perfect in every way) will come pick you up, tell you she loves, and get you pleasantly inebriated whilst stuffing your face with Red Velvet Cup cakes. The one who, when you are single, will always let you have The Hot One in the the group of boys buying you drinks. Like a sister, but you could choose her.

This is where you can help. Below is a list of things I’m looking for in my new Wingwoman. It’s quite detailed, but I feel that when one is specifically asking for something, one should ask for something specifically.

1. Firstly,  My Wingwoman should be single. This is because I myself am in a very rad relationship, so I will be spending most of my time with The Boyfriend. I need someone whose relationship schedule will never conflict with mine. When I say “Let’s have Girls Night tonight”, when it is already 7pm on a Friday, I don’t need her telling me it’s the 3 week anniversary of the 6 weeks after the 15 minutes before she and her boyfriend kissed for the first time the second time they got back together after that time they broke up. Availability is key.

2. My Wingwoman should not be better looking than me. She may also not be thinner than me. Since all my Joburg Girls are absolute flipping BELTERS I reserve the right to have My Wingwoman be no prettier than me. She should also not be a complete and utter minger- I should be able to look her square in the eye when we converse, without feeling repulsed. She also cannot be a minger because she should of course also attract males who buy her drinks, and offer me one in the process. In fact, if she is pretty much exactly on par with me, that would be perfect.

3. My Wingwoman should also be smart. She should be well-read in all the subjects I enjoy- including social experiments, how the human brain works and rather embarrassingly, all of Marian Keyes works. She should have a vast amount of general knowledge, and be well-informed on a range of my personal interests. She can’t be an absolute flipping genius though. It hurts my brain. This is where @lizetheunicorn falls short. She is just too genius.

4. My Wingwoman should look forward to enjoying the following activities: NOT hiking or gymming. Definitely: Going to the beach. Riding our Johnny Locos around Kalk Bay. Watching Will Ferrell movies and then saying all the funny lines after. Going out for breakfast/lunch/brunch/dinner/brinner/cake/tea/coffee/cocktails & hard-core-binge-drinking. Tanning by the pool drinking cocktails/&union beers/ciders/whiskey. Going to watch bands 2-3 nights a week. Shopping (NOT for shoes).

5. My Wingwoman should enjoy the following topics of conversation: My boyfriend & his awesomeness and good looks (NOT in a creepy I-secretly-covet-your-boyfriend-and-have-illicit-fantasties-involving-him-and-an-open-denim-shirt-on-the-back-of-horse-at-sunset kind of way). The fact that everyone except our immediate friends is a complete and utter idiot and should probably not pro-create. People in TheIindustry, The Industry, and How The Industry Works. My Wingwoman should not constantly want to talk about intellectually stimulating stuff, though she should not be adverse to talking about intellectually stimulating stuff. She should also have a fair number of interesting facts on hand, to keep us up-to-date with the world, and stimulate debate between us. But, of course we will always end up agreeing…that I am right.

6. My Wingwoman should enjoy food. I don’t want to go out with her and be the only one eating. She may be a vegetarian (ask @lizetheunicorn & @shaan_ashleigh…I don’t judge them…much) but she should eat meat when with me. And then she should enjoy it. She should also not be appalled when I eat an entire box of Lindt Balls and then cry about it. She should just rub my back and say “Let’s take a walk around the block. That should burn off those calories.”

7. My Wingwoman should preferably be Unemployed By Choice. This is because I myself am a freelancer. Which leaves me with lots of spare time to go for mid-week movies, adventures etc. and the whole point of having My Wingwoman is so that I don’t have to do them alone. Obviously, My Wingwoman should have some form of income though, so that she never has to stay home claiming poverty. Trust fund baby, perhaps?

8. My Wingwoman should not enjoy dancing. Unless she & I have both been spending an equal amount of time with our good friend Whiskey. In which case she must be mad keen on dancing. But she must never be able to dance like a black girl-even if she thinks she can.

9. My Wingwoman should have a car. And a drivers licence. She should also not be adverse to abstaining from alcohol and being Honorary Designated Denise in the event of me being keen on a Big Night.

10. My Wingwoman should always tell me I look pretty and thin. Except of course when I don’t look pretty OR thin. In which case she should be painfully honest, without actually inflicting any pain.

11. Naturally, the Man Cave boys (including The Boyfriend should) be mad keen on her. Not in a sexual way of course (especially not The Boyfriend) , since that could quite possibly lead to her having a Boyfriend of her own, which would definitely NOT be ideal. But they must be happy to have her around at all times, and be comfortable with entertaining her when The Boyfriend and I nip away for a bit of a make-out.

12. She should live in such close proximity to me, that popping over to her house for a spot of nail polish remover is not absurd and out of the question. This is where all My Girls fall short. What, with them being in Joburg and all. So somewhere mid-way between Muizenberg and Hout Bay would be perfect.

Well, that’s pretty much it really. Too much to ask? I don’t think so. I mean, My (future) Wingwoman and I could potentially be a large to very large part of the rest of each other’s lives. Of course, eventually, once I am engaged and she has helped me plan my wedding, has written her speech about how wonderful I look and how much she loves her Maid of Honour gown and hosted me an epic Bachelorettes (with not even one ridiculous male *gag* stripper *full-on vom*) she too, may have a boyfriend of her own. She’ll have to hurry with her own dating, engagement and wedding though, because of course we will have to be pregnant together. And I have dibs on all names ever, in the history of the world for my baby, which she completely understands and agrees with.

You can apply via email or Twitter and if you look like you might be the Wingwoman for me, I will arrange a date for an interview. This might involve a night out, or a girly lunch to assess our chemistry.

Your Potential BFF

MK MVP jhb & ct


Most Valued People...and music video project

My Tuesday night and Wednesday night were spent at the MK MVP Launches in Joburg and Cape Town. Assuming you do not know what the frick I’m on about, here is a breakdown of the MK MVP Initiative, in my own words:


Natalie’s Knowledge:

MK (DSTV, Channel 324) invited South African Production Companies and Bands to team up, and come up with concepts for music videos they would like R 50 000 to produce. Bands then submitted the single for the proposed video, and 50 finalists were chosen by MK, based purely on the quality of the song. The finalists then had to submit the treatments for their videos, and MK chose 10 Bands/Production Companies to award 50k to for their videos.

The videos were premiered to the Bands, Producers and Industry People at the Prive Cinemas of both Monte Casino and Canal Walk. My television viewing pleasure has now been forever tainted and I don’t know how I’m going to go back to watching Music on the small screen. Seeing it all on an enormous cinema screen with surround sound blasting your brain cells is pretty fricking rad. And combined with the open bar, and my personal meal of choice at the moment: hot dogs, it made for possibly the best cinematic experience of my short life.


Its Private. It's for drinking. And it's for smoking. That's how MK rolls.

Tuesday night I was presenting for a JIP insert and Rozanne & Pushkin dressed me in Lipsy’s brand new range. You might think its a bit dressy? Well, consider this: I present a Celeb Gossip Show! I’m the Giulliana-de-Fricken-Pandi-Rancic of the Afrikaans Special Interest Market! Ha!



The Dress... a little smart for "Red Carpet Rock 'n Roll", perhaps?

Dressed down with a Lee Cooper distressed denim jacket

Presenter/Hair/Make-Up...I'm multi-skilled like that


You know what being a good tv Presenter is all about? Presenting? You’re waaayyy off mister! It’s about being able to arrive on location, with professional hair&make-up, done by you, making up your script as you go along, and not crying when some snotty rockstars make some snotty rockstar comments during your interview.

Since our show isn’t that keen on music content (watch Elma, on Studio 1, Thursday nights at 19:30 for that) we focused our insert on something we all can relate to: How To Spend R50 000.

Natalie’s Ways To Spend 50k:

1. Purchase Michael Cera

2. Invest in 2 personal Bar Maids who follow you with a tray of vodka slushie everywhere you go

Those are just 2 of the many ways I came up with to blow 50k. You can see the rest on JIP, Wednesday nights at 19:30.

On Wednesday, I landed on a plane from Joburg just in time to meet the lovely Danielle from Cape Town’s Heroine. Since I wasn’t shooting, I decided to dress down a little and opted for every girl’s ultimate fashion go-to: The LBD. She met me at Wembley, armed with not 1…but 3 AMAZING LBD’s and I had trouble choosing. The short Bird’s Feet number was a perfect fit and I dressed it up with gold accessories, nude heels and mermaid hair.

Now, back to the videos. I know, I know. The quality of some of the videos that have come out of the farms, flats and high school grottos of this country have a reputation for being…questionable.

Which is part of the reason I got so incredibly excited while watching the MVP videos that I had to mentally forbid myself from standing on my chair and singing our National Anthem in all 11 official languages. (also, I only speak 2…so I didn’t think it would be effective enough)

They were unbelievable! The thing I love about The Industry in this country, is the amount of passion that goes around in it. (This doesn’t include the “what happens on shoots…” rule) .

Even though the budget for the videos was R 50k, lots of them were clearly around the R 200k category. Which means that the budget was spent on stuff like equipment hire, props, wardrobe and location…and that all the creative stuff, including the creative genius of the Director, Producer, Styling, Post Production etc etc was done by industry professionals purely for the Love of the Game.

4am, MC’s Earl & Algemi, Thieve feat. Heuwels Fantasties, Jack Parow feat. Heuwels Fantasties, The Cavalier, CrashCarBurn, Foto Na Dans, Winterstasie, Heroes Wear Red & Will Mono feat. Jax Panik are the bands who got the cash, and every video was incredible.

Beautifully shot, well edited, interesting visuals and moving stories… If these videos are any indication of what we can look forward to in upcoming videos, I’m excited! And if you are still under the impression that “South African music is so shit…and I don’t listen to Afrikaans music cause I don’t understand the lyrics”…then I truly do hope you get kicked in the face by one of these videos. As you innocently flick between MTV and Trace.

I am Afrikaans and I don’t even understand most of Foto Na Dans’ lyrics… but that doesn’t stop me from being moved to misty eyes by their epic songs and mind blowing videos. I won’t even talk about their live performances.

The videos launch online next Wednesday…but you can’t go wrong with actually watching real television. These videos are absolutely, definitely, for sure going to be all over the charts like Nash’s Union Jack on the interweb.

HUGE CONGRATS to everyone at MK, the bands, and the Production Crews. You dun gooooooood.

A Public Apology

Dear Whiskey,

You must be surprised to hear from me. I know it’s been a while…and I did leave you with no explanation really.

You may not care much for this letter, but please hear me out.

Firstly, I need to apologize. I realize now that my use of the hashtag #iblamewhiskey must have been very hurtful to you. Also the fact that even after our awesome Friday nights together, by Saturday morning I couldn’t even stand the sight of you.

I want you to know, that last summer with you, was one of my best. You added so much to my life. Remember all the rad time we had together? Playing moving fooseball, swimming at midnight…dancing like we didn’t know I was a white girl. You, me, and our good mates Lime & Soda…ahhh…good times.

Maybe that’s it. Maybe we were just too good together. I wasn’t ready for the kind of commitment and dedication you deserve. You deserve a Connoisseur… I was just a Binge Drinker.

You brought out the best in me, Whiskey. After just a couple of minutes with you, I’m that much funnier. Half an hour later, and I’m prettier too. Everyone around thinks so. I’m funny and pretty and half way through the night, I’m a flipping good dancer too! Why am I not a professional? A Pussycat Doll, even? The Lead Pussycat Doll! By the end of the evening I’m a comedian/model/professional dancer. Also a millionaire! Buying shooters like P. Diddy. Everyone one in the bar (those still around) loves me! And I don’t even notice the blisters my 6 inch heels are inflicting as I throw my sexy booty all over the dance floor like a tornado of desire.

That’s what I love about you! You make me, a better me. The problem is, when things are bad, they’re real bad. I’m talking about The Morning After.

The Morning After was never good with you. You left me feeling weak, and shivery all over. Too hot and too cold. I didn’t want to bring this up, but as good as you made me feel the night before, The Next Morning you made me feel so damn ugly!

My skin, so pasty and dry. The smell of my hair, enough to give a small to medium toddler lung cancer. My feet, a mess of blisters and other injuries caused by walking barefoot through the streets of Greenside. My pockets, empty.

You left a thirst in me, and no matter how much water I threw at myself, I couldn’t keep the cotton wool on my tongue from sticking to the velcro on my palate.

I don’t even want to talk about the headaches. All I’ll say, is that having brain surgery while still conscious probably comes close to the pain I felt in my general head area after a night with you.

The feeling of being the prettiest girl in the room -the whole wide room- was always, inevitably shattered by the pictures that would surface on Facebook. You embarrassed me. You had me believe I could be a part-time model. Eventually I started to doubt my own funniness. Was I even a good dancer?! You knocked my confidence…you embarrassed me.

Eventually, these things started to take their toll. That’s when I started hanging out more with…you know…Tequila.

It’s the way he made me feel, you see. Like I was some kind of flipping Entertainment goddess. Kind of like Oprah, Russel Brand, Kate Bekinsale, an Asian genius and all of S Club 7 had a love child…and that love child was me. I felt so special.

But it’s been a couple of months now. Eventually I realized who Tequila really was. Someone who likes to lure girls in with promises of riches and glory and the best time they’ve ever had. But it’s all lies.

I saw you last night, and you seemed different somehow. Then again, maybe I’m the one who’s changed. Maybe, after playing the field, and “seeing what’s out there”, I can finally see what I had in you.

What we had, was something special. Something you don’t just find with any alcoholic beverage. Yes, we had our issues…but so does everyone. If we think about it, the good times really did outweigh the bad.

As soon as you touched my lips last night, I knew I had to have you back. Even though we only spent a couple of hours hanging out, you made me feel like that girl again. If we’d spent much more time together, I’d have been dancing like an extra in a Shakira video!

I guess what I’m saying is… I want you back Whiskey. You’re the one for me.


The Presenter