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You shouldn’t have come here.

Cause Mermaids don’t live here no more!

We’ve moved here: http://www.natalieroos.blogspot.com

GO!

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Wedding Strays

I know I’ve been away for AAAGES… I don’t even want to talk about it. I’ve lost my laptop cable and I find it deeply upsetting to talk about.

On a lighter note; I recently found this blog called welovepictures and have not been able to stop myself from logging on every time they tweet about a new blogpost.

For the first few days, I kept it as my little secret cause I din’t want people to think that I have decided that 22 is an appropriate age to become wed and now I’m looking for a photographer etc etc… BUT after a few days I couldn’t keep it a secret any longer! It’s too beautiful.

Whether you are a man, woman or child…married already (to a man, woman or child), single (because of a man, woman or child), or never to be married (because you can’t bear the thought of forever being with a man, woman or child)… you can’t deny that these images are incredibly beautiful to look at.

Some of them are so lovely that I want to print them out and hang them on my wall. But then I remember that that would be bloody bizarre and I go back to just admiring them digitally.

However, as much as I’ve tried and tried to not be…I am a girl, and looking at all these bautiful wedding pictures has got me thinking about what I, myself may one day want for my own personal wedding AND, what I most definitely will not want soiling my most special of special days.

Things Natalie Does Not Want At Her Most Special Of Specials:

1. The Show-Minister

You know the type. The minister that power-walks up and down the isle furiously, preaching about life and death and the apocolyps. Spitting ferociously and waving his Bible in the air. Look buddy, this day is not about saving my friends and families souls. Its about me and my dude pledging our eternal love. Now kill the spotlight.

2.  The Buffet Dinner

There is nothing I want less than having my poor guests stand in line for a plate of 3 meats, 3 veg and 2 starch. It is incredibly uncomfortable, and even though I was only in boarding school for 3 months, it brings back the most horrific memories. Not to mention the fact that by the time table one is rolling around the floor, gently cradling their food-babies, table 13 is wrestling the kids table for their niknaks.

3. The Mobile Disco

Any song that is at that time on radio rotation will be banned. In fact, any song to have ever been on radio rotation will be banned. I don’t want Lady Gaga papapapoking her face all over me and my white dress. I’d much prefer Balkan Beat Box playing their crazy circus tunes and transporting my mind to a place where I can dance freely, with recless abandon and complete disregard for recognised dance moves.

4. Organza. Of any sort.

The vomit of material. It is made from recycled wedding dresses and old lady curtains. And it eats your possesion. You put your cellphone down on the hideous mound in the middle of the table for just a few seconds, and when you turn around…BOOM! It’s gone!

The one thing I will have, however, is a team called welovepictures snapping away.

It’s too late now, #dearsanta

Ok, so I know it’s waaayyy too late for a Christmas wish list now. Christmas is only 3 sleeps away, and most shopping has been completed.

BUT it has been scientifically proven (don’t Google that) that putting your wish list up on the interweb can result in your wish coming true.

Just look at this.

That is a Birhtday Wishlist posted by @bangersandnash…notice me on it? Well, at that stage we’d never even met. Fast forward just 12 days to July 23rd (just happens to be my very own birthday)…and BOOM! We’re dating.

So here’s my list. May it bring me great smiles all over my Christmassy face.

1. Skermunkil Jewelry

WOWZERS! It’s all just way too pretty. Skermunkil is based in Mauizenberg, which is where I am based… so even if you can’t make it there before Christmas yourself, feel free to deposit me some cash al I’ll just pop round there myself.

 

WOWEE!! Get on my body!!

 

2. A wicker basket for Lady Marmaduke King George

Exactly like this one:

 

Need a lift baby midget? Hop in!

 

 

That way we have so much more room for activities. I can transport lots of shopping, as well as baby midgets, stray animals and treasures I may find along the way.

3. To smell like an Angel

I smelled this for the first time today, and MY WORD it does smell fantastic.I’m very picky when it comes to perfume and I never want to smell like sandalwood, apples, roses, cinnamon, vanilla or musk (eeuw). I can best describe Acqua di Gioia as: a baby angel after a dip in the ocean and a shower in fresh-cut grass. I want to bathe in it.

 

Baby Angel... Ocean... Grass... I want to smell like you

 

 

Acqua di Gioia

4. Miss Lynn Bedding

 

I want to sleep in you

 

 

I take great pride in my bed. I like it to be a little safe heaven of joy and rest. Pure cotton, high thread count, crisp white. Bedding is a joy to me.

5. A golden Casio watch

 

Anyone need the time? I'VE GOT THE TIME! LOOK! LOOK AT MY ARM!!

 

 

Good grief I want one of these! They are too rad. Old school, classic, cheesy in a good way. The perfect thing to have wrapped around my wrist at all times.

6. This boy:

 

Ultimate Birthday Gift Ever: Check!

 

 

Jokes. He’s already mine. Yea  wish lists!!

There you have it Universe.  Take this list and do with it what you must.

 

New Life = New Hair

So, I’ve been living in Cape Town for over a month now and I felt like another change was due.

My mom has banned me from getting anymore tattoos…piercings never seem to heal on me…my only option was: HAIR

I have a longstanding relationship with my hair. Take a minute to enjoy the gallery below…

See? I don’t mind a little out-there hair. Me in the pink with the long straight blonde hair is not… ME. So, after ,much deliberation (read: 15 seconds of deliberation) I made an appointment with Kelly at Scar. WHAT a rad girl! She knows exactly what she’s talking about…but she doesn’t try give you all this useless advice just to sound like she knows what she’s talking about. I highly recommend her.

Natalie’s New Look:

 

BOOM! now try to avert your eyes from the tan, and actually look at the hair

 

I’ve only had this hair since Tuesday, but here are the comments I’ve received so far:

“you are the classy gay british best boy friend i never had” – @lizetheunicorn

“no comment”- mom

“you just went up 15% in hotness. you were at 100% before this” – @bangersandnash

Having this sexy undercut has also taught me some valuable lessons.

Natalie’s Valuable Undercut Lessons

1. Do blondes have more fun?

Yes. If they have a full head of hair. And if by “fun” you mean “BMW-driving jocks proposing to you in traffic”

2. You cannot have an undercut AND wear plaid.

Unless you have a lover named Kelly (or any other female name).

(And you have a name like Kelly. Or any ohter female name).

3. If people can’t say something nice, they won’t say anything at all.

There are the people who have LOVED my New Hair. They all tend to be incredibly well dressed, they generally hang out at &Union and Assembly and they have fantastic taste in music. They have been very vocal about their positive opinions of my New Hair.

Then there are those who have made incredibly strong (borderline paralysing) eye contact with me since getting my New Hair. They refuse to acknowledge  my New Hair. And much the same way that they tend to handle other unsightly things (like homeless people and tax return forms) they think that if they don’t talk about it, it may not be real.

I have noticed a strong decline in unwanted male attention, and a surge in unwanted female attention… but also not-so-unwanted male attention. (refer to @bangersandnash’s comment above)

I’m liking this vibe. It’s much more Natalie than the hair I’ve been sporting of late, and it seems to make everything I wear look bloody sexy. Also, my left ear is very breezy and I can hear better.

 

 

Natalie’s Awesome Synergy Story… feat. Circus Cult Burgers

Synergy 2010

This year has been very good to me in terms of festivals. I did Splashy Fen, Ramfest, Oppikoppi, Rocking The Daisies, and just last weekend I was at Synergy.

Every festival has it’s own vibe and good and bad elements. Splashy is super chilled with lots of rain and a rad comedy tent. I did the Joburg Ramfest at Emmarentia Dam, so I’ll reserve my judgement until after I’ve been to the Cape Town one. Oppikoppi you can read all about here, and RTD here.

Now, let’s talk about Synergy. We did it all the old school way this time,  with no Kreef Hotelling and (almost) no VIP passes. As with Daisies, the venue is absolutely beautiful. Vineyards and mountains do a great bit for the whole “feeling like you’re out of the city” thing, even though you can be back in Town in under an hour. The river is a good idea, as there are only about 6 showers and I actually have no idea where they were even located-let’s not even talk about the location of the porter loo’s (???) I must admit though, the river could have been a bit deeper. And a bit warmer. For the sake of comfort. Although, I have come to realise that Capetonins are all a bit mad and they believe that the water in Cape Town is “not too bad” and that Strand has “warmer” water. Warmer than what, you batty mountain-lovers? Freezing temperature?!

Anyway.

The line-up was definitely my favourite one of the year! And Friday night was like an escaped convict shooting awesomeness at your head- with Foto Na Dans, Taxi Violence and Van Coke Kartel in rapid fire. Pow! Pow! POW!!

Foto won major points with the electro bunnies when they killed a cover of Pendulum and Taxi Violence were just Taxi Violence. When they are on stage, I feel like I’m in a movie. A movie about awesome people. And debauchery. Set in pretty much the same place as From Dusk Till Dawn.

This movie is also called The Natalie Show. I am the coolest person in the world, except for every one in the crowd (movie) with me- and of course Taxi Violence themselves, who are the coolest people in the universe.
At one point during the madness that is Taxi Violence on stage (aka The Natalie Show) , @stormin_ was having too much fun, and his face decided to abort his spectacles.

Within seconds @melike128_ @bangersandnash, stormie & I were all on our knees, in the middle of the crowd, in the dark, with flashing lights and dancing feet all around us, trying to see through the film of dust covering our eyeballs, searching for the rogue glasses. Miraculously, as Stormin found them and threw his hand in the air in an act of victory, Taxi had just reached the part that goes “and the devil saved his soul“… I know right!! No wonder I feel like my life is movie!

On Saturday I did some interviews for One Small Seed TV. I’m a big fan of the magazine and brand, so it was pretty rad getting to do some work with them. It should be p in about 2 weeks, so I’ll keep you updated.

Being a live music (and musician) enthusiast myself, I didn’t really spend much time in the electro tent. But electro is HUGE at Synergy! It’s quite obvious that this is where music is headed and even though the tent was much bigger than last year (apparently), it still wasn’t big enough to accommodate all the Capetonians eager to get their electro on.

So, in an attempt to improve my bunny skills and someday maybe even join in, I stood at the back of the electro tent. Arms folded. An outcast. Watching. Absorbing. Learning.

Here are my notes on Electro. The music, the dancing, and the big black man inside it all.

Natalie’s Notes On Electro:

From what I gathered, Electro comes in many little sub-genres. One of which makes use of an MC Emcee. I know what you’re thinking band-music fans, but an Emcee is not the person who comes on stage between bands to shout things like “SYNERGYYYYYYY!!!! ARE YOU HAVING A GOOD TIIIIIIIIIME????!!!!” An Electro Emcee is this: An enormous black man, who can speak at the speed of sound, in a British accent… trapped inside the body of a teeny-tiny white boy from the ‘burbs who holds a mic at an upward angle in one hand and does gangster rap moves with the other.

The dancing is sort of like a moshpit, but with no actual punching, OR one can adopt what I like to call “the ball catch”. Imagine catching a ball… right out of the air as someone throws it. Hold out your hand, palm facing the sky. Now curl your fingers upward, so your hand makes the shape of a bowl. Now gesture like you are dropping the ball and catching it again mid-air. And there you have it. You are now a professional electro dancer.

Food. I love food. Especially if it involves bacon… Or cheese. Over my years spent at festivals, if there is one lesson I’ve learned regarding food, it is this: If there are no hippies selling potjie, opt for the burger. You cannot go wrong with a burger at a festival. Because it doesn’t matter how gross the joint is, or when last (if ever) they cleaned the grill…all that just adds to the taste. Also, make sure you opt for the one with everything on. Bacon with cheese with onions with egg with pineapple. Trust me on this.

@bangersandnash is well aware of this, which is why he went straight to the caravan owned by a man with ginormous boobs hanging all about, ciggie in his mouth, flapping around as he swore at his staff. He was doing all this, whilst putting together the Ultimate Festival Burger.

This is what I’m talking about people! If it looks as though these people moonlight at the circus you know you should be eating their burgers.
Here’s a little convo that went down between @bangersandnash and the girly who works at Circus Burger.

Nash: “Can I please have a bacon, cheese & pineapple burger”
Girl: “So, you want a Hawaiian Burger?”
Nash: “If it comes with bacon?”
Girl: “Why don’t you have a bacon & cheese burger?”
Nash: “Ok, if it comes with pineapple?”
Girl: *massive sigh-like the one you have after giving birth to twins* “We can’t really do that.”
Nash: “So…no bacon, cheese & pineapple?”
Girl: *walks away with the weight of the entire Universe on her shoulders*
*comes back*
“Look, I’ve spoken to my boss and as a favour, we can do you a bacon, cheese &
pineapple burger. We don’t usually do it. But we will now, for you. BUT… my boss says we are going to have to charge you extra.”

Nash & I look each other in the eyeballs.
Nash’s eyeballs to my eyeballs: “Is she kidding? She does know that like, that is how the entire world works, right?”
My eyeballs to Nash’s eyeballs : “She seems pretty serious. How much could this massive favour possibly cost? Your left… ‘you know what?’ ”

Now I started to get nervous. Because the way in which this girl was communicating with us, made it sound like what she was really saying, was: “Look, I’ve spoken to my boss and as a favour, we can do you a bacon, cheese & pineapple burger. We don’t usually do it. But we will now, for you. BUT… my boss says you are going to have to sacrifice your firstborn to our Circus Cult and never have any communication with it for the rest of eternity including the Afterlife, should you both end up in Heaven. Capeesh?”

Nash: *swallows hard* “Ok, how much extra?”
Girl: “Three rand.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………????????????????????

I’ll tell you what, after eating that bad boy, if I had to go back and do it all again… I may actually have promised my firstborn to that Circus Cult. That’s how good it was. The pineapple definitely made all the difference.

Next year is going to be full of festivals, and I don’t want you wasting your time with silly things like “skottel braai’s” and “food”. Here are the things you really need at a festival. Forget what you’ve heard. I am the Truth.

Natalie’s Festival Essentials:

1. A tent.
Don’t rely on others. They will let you down. They’ll forget the tent poles or they’ll bring home two random foreigners and kick you out or they’ll snore (euw). Just take your own. You are the Queen/King of your own Palace.

2. A towel.
You might not even shower, but you might swim, and what then hmm? Or it will rain on you. Or you won’t want to get your sleeping bag full of thorns and dust (Oppikoppi), mud (Splashy Fen), hipsters (Rocking The Daisies), or other foreign matter (Synergy plus all of the above) and you will need it to sit on.

3. Viral Guard.
It probably has no real health benefits, but popping two of those bad boys with your breakfast does wonders for making your brain believe that you will survive the throbbing head, aching feet and desert in your throat.

4. Money.
Why take food when you can take money? Refer to Circus Cult Burger story above.

5. Mustaches/Glo Sticks/ Leopard Pants/ Markers to write on strangers with.
Pretty much anything that will make you feel a bit wild and free and out of your city life ways. I like to combine all of the above to really get into the festival mood. Nash likes to go without shoes and let his feet “make love to the earth”. Do what you must, but just do something.

6. Warm clothing.
Don’t talk black to me. There will be coldness and you will be cold. Just take it.

7. A camera.
Refer to my Oppikoppi, Splashy, RTD and Synergy albums to see why. Those are the memories you can’t remember. You need those pictures.

8. Wet Wipes.
The more the better. Take the ones for face and the ones for body and the ones for antiseptising stuff and the ones for multi-purpose and if there are any others you can find, take those too. Take them all. In fact, if you bring those, you really only need a toothbrush in your toiletries bag. No need to shower at all.

9. A plastic squeezy bottle.
Glass is not allowed anywhere. I know Consol says “It’s good, it’s in glass” but Consol lies. If it’s in glass, it’s bad. And you’ll either have to down it all at your camp as soon as you arrive (or, if you are a fan of Bear Grylls-like I am- you know exactly how to ingest it in other manners. Although I did hear of a dude who died after just 3 litres of sherry, so maybe it’s a bad idea) OR you’ll have to bankrupt yourself at the bar.

10. Nash.
NOT! No ways I’m letting you take him!!

But you can take us both if you want. We are fantastic festival buddies. I look after everything, and Nash looks after everything better than I do. He has incredible Looker Afterer Skills, and it doesn’t matter how retarded things get (by that I mean “how many bottles of tequila he’s had”), he’ll be the one going “Storm, give Mel your glasses so they don’t get lost” and “Where is Roos? Roos, are you ok? Have you still got your camera?” He’s amazing like that.

So, that’s pretty much it really. Read intimate details about our trip here: www.bangersandnash.com and we’ll see you at the next one.

Car Free Day in Cape Town: TOMORROW

Look  I’ll admit, I’m probably not the most environmentally friendly person on earth.

I eat copious amounts of meat. I fuse poor Asian people’s hair to my own. I commute almost fortnightly between Joburg & CT in a gass guzzling metal bird. I use products that are probably tested on animals. (Who else are they going to be tested on?? Seriously.)

BUT I do belive that each of us can do a little something to help save the planet. I personally am planning on having at least 3.5 children, and I’d really like them to be able to play in the sunshine without being zapped into small to medium mounds of charcoal.

This is why I readily supported Car Free Day in Joburg a while ago. It’s really not that hard. Its cheaper, safer, funner, easier and…betterer.

Car Free Day is happening in Cape Town tomorrow and while I can’t be there to support it with my awesome bicycle Lady Marmaduke King George, I promise to be car-less (not careless) in Joburg all day in honour of CFD CT.

I need to do some Christmas Shopping, so I think I’ll catch the train to Sandton City and pretend to be rich with all the other plebs. Or I won’t. I’ll dress all hobo-esque and then drop money like bombs all over that joint! YES!

Going Car Free is easier than you think, especially if it’s just for the one day. Ride a bike, walk, get a lift, use the train, use the bus, call a cab. But support it.

Find out more here:

http://www.vidaecaffe.com/news/

WIN! a double ticket for Synergy Live THIS WEEKEND!

 

A Festival! Yaaaay!!

 

Synergy Live happening THIS weekend and as I’ve mentioned before, the line-up is sick!

MK has given me a Double Ticket for one lucky interweb user! I’m going to make it very easy, all you have to do is:

1. “like” MK & MK JIP on Facebook

2. Post a status involving MK, MK JIP AND the link to this post

3. Copy&paste your Facebook status into the comments section below

See? It’s super easy. Like a rubix cube to a colour blind 5 year old. Be funny though. I like funny people.

While you’re here, you might as well enter the Sonic Summer competition I’m running too.

Good luck.

…Be funny.