Tony Parker is a CHEATER!

Dear: Tony Parker,

Thanks for making the biggest mistake of your life.

Love, Every man on Earth

I’m not sure if you’ve been in a coma for the past few days, but incase you have, you wouldn’t have heard this: Eva Longoria is single again.

That’s right, after 7 years together, she and Tony Parker are no more.
But what could have caused them to split? Does she have an uncotrobable substance abuse problem that poor Tony could no longer live with nor afford? Nope. Did a car drive over her beautiful face, leaving her mamed and mute for the rest of her life? Nope again.

Ok enough of this, I’ll just tell you. But I warn you, you may find it very hard to believe…. Tony. Parker. Cheated.

This man:


The Cheater




found a someone who was worth losing this woman over:


The joke is on him.

Let’s just get this straight. Somewhere out there, there is a woman roaming this green earth, who is better than Eva Longoria?! A woman so incredibly beautiful and lust worthy, that one night with her, was worth giving up all of eternity with Eva???


This, to me is the biggest news of all! How have we not heard of her before?! Is she an angel?? Does she come with batteries?? Who is she?!

This week 5fm dj’s were discussing this break-up in great detail. Apparently, Parker had just signed a major, very lucrative new contract when Longoria sued for divorce. Did she know about his cheating ways all along, and just wait until after  he had singed to file the papers? Thus ensuring her a much larger 50% of all his earnings?

I sure as hell hope so.

The debate was going something like this: Female dj “Doesn’t she have any pride?! I’m not going to take money from a man, just because he doesn’t want me! She should have some self respect. She doesn’t even need his money! She makes millions on her own.” Honey, go home and burn some bra’s.

Marriage is more than just a promise to each other in front of all your friends and family. It is a legal, and binding contract. When getting married, you sign a contract stating that you promise to be faithful to this marriage and that if you aren’t, you are willing to part with 50% of what you own.

It works like any other contract. You sign, knowing that if at some stage, you get sick of what you’ve signed for, or find something better, you are allowed to leave. But you’re going to have to pay a fine.

When you cancel your contract with Vodacom because they are the shittest service provider in the history of communication, and they fine you and make you pay the remaining months of your 24 month contract, does anyone say to them “Don’t you have any pride?! You can’t take people’s money, just because they don’t want you. You should have some self respect! You don’t even need that money! You make millions ripping people off with your astronomically high call and internet rates.”.

You singed a legal contract! You knew what the terms & conditions were before you signed.

Apart from that fact (you know, the legal&binding contract fact), is the “pride factor”. Money is used in so many instanced as a tool to teach people a lesson. Like traffic fines. Park illegally, or break the speed limit, and you will have to part with money. In most instances, this will make you think twice before parking your white Toyota Hilux length-ways across 3 parking bays.

Nothing can make Eva Longoria feel better. Her husband cheated on her. He got as intimate as two humans can possibly get with one another, with someone who wasn’t her.

No amount of money can change that. And while she probably wishes she could kick Tony Parker square in the nuts, the sad truth is, she can’t. But she sure as hell can kick him square in the wallet.

I know I would.


One response to “Tony Parker is a CHEATER!

  1. proofread before posting, you ranting harpy!

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