What it takes to be a Mermaid

Mermaids.

They are so lovely…yet can be so confusing…

I mean, you (repeatedly) watch the classic Disney movie The Little Mermaid and it seems like all they ever do is comb their hair with forks, befriend chubby little fish and musical crabs with funny accents, sing to their Dads and fall in love with human Princes???

Also, sell their beautiful Mermaid voices to evil Sea Witches in order to gain a pair of sexy (if difficult to master at first) legs. (I mean, wouldn’t YOU??)

Then you do a quick little Google Search… and BOOM! All your dreams are shattered as you discover a Mermaid you never knew existed, and frankly… you wish it had stayed that way.

But I refuse to believe the vicious Interweb and its Interweb of Lies!

Apparently (well, evidently), some other mythical creatures (I don’t want to point a finger of blame but… *FAIRIES*) have a vendetta against Mermaids and their beautiful Locks of Desire and Amazingness.

These evil little (shimmery-winged) liars are using The World Wide Web (of Deceit) to spread vicious rumours of “siren songs”: Mermaids leading poor sailors to their untimely demise by using their beauty (ok, that part is true) and voices to lure them from the safety of the ocean depths to the rocky shores. (I know, right???)

Ha! Never!

I have done countless hours of research into the history of Mermadia (Splash, Splash 2, Little Mermaid, and ALL The Little Mermaid spin-off movies including the one about her pet whale) and its a known FACT that Mermaids are lovely in every way.

(Except of course their procreation methods which I have yet to figure out. Not surprisingly this vicious Interweb Rumour Spreader has little (to no) information regarding this subject and even less evidence)

Here are some images I found on Google to show you how to identify Mermaids…and NOT Mermaids…:

The Disney Classic

1.

Mermaid for sure

2.

NOT a Mermaid...Euw

3.

Cuuuute... a Wannabe

4.

Some Mermaids are Asian

5.

Oops...this must have slipped in. Me on Holiday in Mozambique *blush*

6.

WHAT the EFF???!

7.

An accurate illustration of a Mermaid...note long Mermaid Hair over boobs

8.

This is NOT a realistic illustration of a Mermaid...note distinct lack of any hair at all

9.

FRICK!!! (???) Dead/Demon/Grandma Mermaid (???)

10.

Proof... Mermaids do not murder sailors... note that Sailor is decidedly ALIVE

11.

Mermaids are friends with Unicorns... but never Fairies

12.

Mermaids were also around in the 50's

13.

Mermaids are better right way up...

So, the most important things to look out for when trying to authenticate a Mermaid are:

a. She won’t be hideous…or dead

b. She won’t be trying to sing you to death

c. Only her bottom half will be made of fish scales

And the MOST IMPORTANT thing to look for…

Mermaids have long beautiful Mermaid Hair that they like to comb with forks...and hang over their boobs so they don't have to wear shells or starfish

Mermaids are people too (well, the top half of them, at least)…and sometimes they just don’t have those luscious Mermaid Locks to cover their boobs with. When this happens, they call JUST HAIR and speak to Jacky. She helps them reach their full Mermaid potential…and they don’t even have to give her their voices in return!

This is Jacky...she is a Mermaid too. But she has legs.

Become a Mermaid TODAY and start out-swimming sharks, rebelling against your Dad The King and never wearing anything over your bust!

Just Hair: 083 547 2350

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3 responses to “What it takes to be a Mermaid

  1. Loves it!

    Unicorns ALSO have long luscious hair [but we mainly call it mane] and they love their Mermaids.

  2. I am definitely a mermaid ….. Just on the inside…….

  3. Awesome !!!!

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