Mermaids have tails…Unicorns have tails…

My friend @lizetheunicorn (Lize Kay) and I share many a conversation via BBM daily. The thing about BBM, is that, with it being free…I find myself unable to carry out the most mundane tasks, such as: purchasing a pair of shoes, without sending a picture to a girlfriend for a yay/nay…or, as I have never been able to drive more than a single km in my car without some form of communication  with someone outside of my car, I can safely, and…well…safely communicate via BBM voicenote.

Anyway, this is the story about two little girls (well, one Tiny, and one Medium) discussing healthy eating via BBM. Please note, that for some obscure reason, that has yet to be explained, it’s the Tiny Little Borderline-Anno size 6, asking the Medium-to-Extra-Medium size 10, for advise) (???!!!)

Lize:”If you don’t eat carbs at night, what do you eat?”

Natalie:”Protein”

Lize:”Cous cous?”

Natalie:”That’s a carb (???)”

Lize:”But a good carb.”

Natalie:”Fish, Biltong, Chicken. For Veg-heads like you *for some reason, Lize likes to torture herself by refusing to eat both meat AND tofu* Nuts, Yoghurt, Eggs.”

Lize:”What’s better, 1 fried egg or 2 poached eggs?”

Natalie:”2-4 boiled eggs. No yolk.”

Lize:”OK. How do I boil an egg? I know I know.”

Natalie:”Pot of cold water on stove. Place egg in water. When water starts to boil, time 4 minutes.”

Lize:”4 minutes of boil?”

Natalie:”Yes. Add a tsp of vinegar to water.”

Lize:”Vinegar? WTF?!”

Natalie:”Yes. Don’t know why. Think it prevents cracks. But not, Butcracks, obviously.”

*Lize ignores that little gem*

Lize:”So add vinegar after boil?”

Natalie:”No, before boil. Just forgot to mention it.”

Lize:”And then?”

Natalie:”Then you run them under cold water. Peel. Remove yolk. Enjoy.”

Lize:”So no yolk?”

Natalie:”You may have one yolk.”

—END—

So, if ever faced with the question; how many blondes does it take to boil an egg? Answer with: “Just one, but she needs a Mermaid to explain how.”

In keeping with the nutrition theme, Lize sent me a BBM today, posing the following question:

Lize:”What is a healthy lunch? For me and @Ninavanibos (who, by the way, needs to watch her weight, as she is soon to be married to a lovely fellow she met on a bus. Yesterday. He is a doctor. Or pilot/diver. I have only met Future Husband via @Ninavanibos’s Tweets, so can’t be sure. Nevermind, she is marrying him. This is all you need to know.) I’m going grocery shopping now.

*I don’t know woman!!! All I ever eat is meat. In various portion sizes, and from various dead animals.*

*Not one to admit defeat, I give her some options*

Natalie:”Salad with chickpeas and broccoli, and sugar snap peas. Also, 2 slices Low GI brown seed loaf.”

Lize:”Bread avec cheese?”

*It’s obvious that this girl is craving protein something fierce*

Natalie:”Mozarella und Ricotta bist the lowest fat cheeses.”

*Note: Lize is fluent in at least 327 languages (that is an exaggeration of epic proportions), including some she made up herself (that is a blatant lie). One of them being German (Deutsch). I, once spent 3 months in Germany (Deutschland). So it goes without saying that I would INSIST on throwing in many of the vast amount (4-6, at the very LEAST) of German phrases I know, into every conversation we ever have.*

Lize:”Tomato?”

Natalie:*not even replying to the Tomato Question. it’s a vegetable (fruit, technically, yes I know-but I wouldn’t dip it in chocolate if I were having a Chocolate Fruit Salad Fondue, thus: Vegetable)  of course you may put it on your sandwich* “Also, avo in your salad. You need good fats for shiny hair, skin and nails.”

Lize:”Nina doesn’t eat avo. Also not mushrooms or asparagus.”

#fullofshit

*bit rich coming from a little girl who won’t eat meat, or allow me to use my Redken Conditioner because “it’s tested in baby rabbit’s eyelids” (???…Note to self:Must Google this) (Also, who else’s eyelids should be used??)*

—END—

Aaah, yes. Tails (Tales, for those who think I’m not smart enough for wordplay) don’t tell themselves people. And shit like this needs to be shared.

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4 responses to “Mermaids have tails…Unicorns have tails…

  1. If you publish,I will buy!

  2. Maxwellstarfish

    Tales don’t tell themselves, nice Funeral For A Friend reference.

  3. ek het gelag.
    baie.
    koel post, missmiss!

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